MALHOTRA, ANCHIT

His name is Anchit, Commander of the Armies of the Claude, Drip Campaign General of the Inbox Legions, loyal servant to the First Yogi. Outcast to his own country, founder to his own blog. And he will break the generational curse, in this life or the next one. Birth details are unknown. Subject was deemed unfit for service when management found him outsourcing his duties to AI to deceptively attain accolades at work. CCTV caught him howling corporate slurs (like “Let Karen’s life become this markdown file” and “Make it better”) into a company-issued microphone connected to a shady AI tool named “Wispr Flow.” He left of his own accord. “As a nepo baby, he could not be fired,” a source confirmed. Anchit is thought to suffer from Mental Diarrhea (MD), a motley crew of psychological disorders causing an inability to grow up. Grandmas in Iowa and a few audacious founders suggest he makes a valuable candidate for email marketing and personal branding assignments. The reader, however, must exercise extreme caution while making contact, discussing classified information and purchasing goods or services from Anchit. Subject shows clear signs of stupidity and delusion; he lures in victims by throwing ancient Indian gang signs behind closed doors. Increasing evidence indicates that Anchit has merely shifted from stealing money from his family to stealing your heart because he lacks the capital and the compute to hack into your bank account.